1) Birds of a feather flock together, then crap on your car.
2) A penny saved is a government oversight.
3) The real art of conversation is not only to say the right thing at the
right time, but also to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting
4) The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight, because by then
your body and your fat have gotten to be really good friends.
5) The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a
6) He who hesitates is probably right.
7) Did you ever notice: The Roman Numerals for forty (40) are ' XL.'
8) If you think there is good in everybody, you haven't met everybody.
9) If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame.
10) The sole purpose of a child's middle name is so he can tell when he's
really in trouble.
11) There's always a lot to be thankful for if you take time to look for
it. For example I am sitting here thinking how nice it is that wrinkles
12) Did you ever notice: When you put the 2 words 'The' and 'IRS'
together it spells Theirs?
13) The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for.
14) Some people try to turn back their odometers. Not me, I want people
to know 'why' I look this way. I've traveled a long way and some of the
roads weren't paved.
15) When you are dissatisfied and would like to go back to youth, think
16) You know you are getting old when everything either dries up or leaks.
17) One of the many things no one tells you about aging is that it is
such a nice change from being young. Ah, being young is beautiful, but
being old is comfortable.
18) First you forget names, and then you forget faces. Then you forget to
pull up your zipper. It's worse when you forget to pull it down.
19) Long ago when men cursed and beat the ground with sticks, it was
called witchcraft. Today, it's called golf...
20) Lord, keep your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth