I stole this little ditty from a monthly electric co-op magazine that I receive from my electric company...THAT NEVER happened in New Jersey.
"I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a friend...if you have one" George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill
"Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second...if there is one." Winston Churchill, in response.
...and verbal abuse was born. (my addition)
But wait there's more...
Here are a few definitions you might enjoy from my friend Ambrose Bierce and his Devil's Dictionary:
Kill, To create vacancy without nominating a successor.
Kleptomaniac, A rich thief.
Dentist, a prestidigitator who, putting metal into your mouth, pulls coins from your pocket.
Coward, One who in a perilous emergency thinks with his legs.
Nepotism. appointing your grandmother to office for the good of the party.
Yankee, in Europe, an American. In the Northern States of our Union, a New Englander. In Southern States the word is unknown. (See Damyank)