Today is

my last official day of work. I have decided to retire early; much earlier than most and occasionally the idea of it has scared me. For the first time (in a long time) my days will be unstructured and that in and of itself can be quite intimidating.

I think the trick to retiring is that you understand that first, you are still alive. You have only decided not to spend your time working at a job anymore, there are still many things to do, to pass the day. The difference now is that you have to decide how to spend it; it is not preordained for you. Here is where the trouble may start. The true nature of your personality begins to blossom when you have all this time and can spend it as you choose. How generous can you be with yourself? Can you spend a day watching a cloud or caterpillar move across your vision, without feeling guilty about it? At the end of the day did you come to grips with anything that has puzzled you about life? Or will you start right away on those projects that you never had time for when you worked? Will you be bored instantly and sleep the day away; putting off for tomorrow thoughts and decisions involving more structured time management?

I suppose the answer to this burning question is: all of the above. I will give myself the time and space needed to comfortably move into this new life style. I will get a haircut to start with and then maybe a little shopping for a few items that have been on my list but not imperative to get. I do have a long trip planned, so shopping will be very productive (Productivity: this is a trait that does not die easily). Time is perhaps the best gift I can receive, since with time I can dream and imagine; try and discard; allow and grow. Yes, I think this is what retirement should be about: giving yourself what you need to grow and get to know the real you. The one you haven’t known since childhood.

Welcome back.

Ellen Rossopoulos
July 31, 2007